selfburn | Open RP Post

"For scholarly purposes, I propose we find out." Caleb slid his arm firmly around Essek's waist and pulled him flush against his body. Bold, yes, but he had been bold once. He had been brave and fearless about his feelings. He could find that again under the right circumstances. With the right person. With Essek as he discovered so many things about himself with the other wizard.

He dipped his head down and pressed his lips firmly, with purpose, against Essek's. This was not the gentle brush of lips they had shared before. This was not the same kiss as in the Grove so long ago. This was a kiss that kept a promise and offered more. Offered all of himself to Essek if the other man wanted him, damaged goods that he was.

"You are a dear friend, yes," Caleb said when he drew back. He stayed close enough that every word brushed against Essek's lips. "But you are so much more to me, Essek. You must know that my feelings for you are more than mere friendship."

Caleb searched Essek's eyes, hoping and knowing, that he would see his own feelings reflected back at him. Trusting he would see the very same. A side of Essek others did not get to see. For him and only him.

The moment that Essek was pulled into those arms, he went willingly. The kiss in the grove had been a sweet gentle thing, as soft as the burgeoning emotions between them- tasting of uncertain hope and relief, of a tiny ember with the encouragement of growing into itself patiently. With what had been shared in the Grove, it was a kiss to reflect the emotions of the moment perfectly.

Conversely this kiss, it stole the very breath from his lungs with it. It was like the spice of warm apples, of an autumn's evening spent in front of a hearth fire, and it caused warmth to surge through him irrevocably. It was hard to leave that kiss and he attempted to follow it as much as was possible, and when Caleb's lips pulled away and his eyes opened so that he could look into those eyes whereupon Caleb would see that what glowed there was an abiding sort of love; the first time he'd ever felt such an emotion.

And it was offered like the most precious of pearls to the other Wizard.

"I am in love with you, Caleb. And it's only grown stronger; I know this because I do not feel these things easily." Essek knew they could make this work, the two of them. Despite whatever outside forces pushed and pulled. "I feel your lips and I feel like it is home to me, your arms are home to me and I did not realize it until you held me for the first time."

"Essek..." Caleb choked on emotions for a second. Loved again, like this, he never imagined he'd have it after what he'd done. It settles in his chest like a precious gift, one to keep and tend to and let grow. To remember when they are apart. "I love you too."

Because he does. It had been the moment when he pulled Essek into his protection. The thought of losing him or seeing him fall was impossible to fathom. He knew in that moment how precious, how incredible, Essek was to him.

"I love you." He said it again because he could. Caleb laughed warmly and kissed Essek over and over, the joy bubbling over into the action. He gathered him up into his arms and lifted him off his feet for all of second before he had to put him down.

His strength really is nothing but the happiness is undeniable.

He was able to sit with it, had sat with his feelings for once in his life and dissected his feelings for the other man. He was used to doing so, when he was tranced and used that precious time to file those moments and experiences into boxes, and he'd found that every single thing associated with Caleb was carefully laid into a coffer made of sunset colours.

The exact moment where the sun dipped into twilight and set the horizon alight like flames settling into purple and then dissolving into stars.

When he was picked up, he did a very brief gravity adjustment so the strain was not too much on the other wizard, only a fraction though so that it would be barely noticible amid the excitement. His arms settled around Caleb's shoulders where he inhaled the scents of ink, parchment and embers.

"Would you like to put a bookmark in Aeor for today? I may have a gift that I want to give you-- and also, I think I may be able to hear your stomach rumbling?" a gentle reminder that even though Caleb may have forgotten certain needs, Essek hadn't.

"You are my gift. I don't need anything else." Caleb pressed one more kiss to Essek's cheek before he drew back enough to cast his Tower. A home they'll share for tonight and for however long they are alone on the road. Perhaps in the future they'll share a real home instead of a magical one. He was getting ahead of himself though.

He took Essek's hand in his and led him through the door to the warm interior which was changed slightly to be better suited to two people instead of the Nein. The dining area was changed to be more intimate and there was a sitting area with a comfortable couch and chairs. Suited to two instead.

In the shelter of the Tower Caleb finally shed the layers that protected him from the cold outside. While he had long sleeves on his tunic he no longer wore the bandages to hide his scars. He was comfortable enough to take his hair up in a loose bun on top of his head.

The cat servants still remain, of course and are eagerly waiting to take their outerwear and get them dinner.

Perhaps Caleb did not need anything else but there happened to be something tucked into his wristpocket which he would remove with a little bit of time, once they were comfortably settled. Almost immediately he noticed that the Tower seemed a bit smaller, more intimate and that was nice, it caused Essek to give that hand a squeeze before he drew away so that they could shed their outwear.

The mantle was drawn away and then he offered it to one of the cats, before he then took the other wizard's arms. The scent of firewood in the area, the intimate almost date-like setting to it. He was touched of course, the way that the lightning quick mind had transmuted this out of seemingly nothing. He gave that arm a squeeze of quiet acknowledgement then as he would lead wherever his love guided him.

Gone were the multiple layers of the Dynasty. He was covered, but the clothing simpled much simpler-- less ornate. Function and form in classic lines, though he remained garbed from head to toe.

And as he crossed the threshold, his float dissipated until he was standing at his Caleb's side and at his true height, of a perfect height where Caleb's lips could find his forehead unerringly and without leaning up or down. "Did you know, Caleb Widogast-- that this is my first proper date?"

Had he ever gone on a proper date with Astrid and Wulf? Maybe there were a few in the past. That time was mostly tainted by his memories of Trent and the torture he endured.

"I'll try to make it memorable then." He offered Essek is arm and walked him to the smaller table. He even pulled out his chair for him like a proper gentleman. Caleb sat across from him and under the table made sure his ankle touched Essek's.

Who looked beautiful in the firelight. Caleb's gaze is adoring, openly showing his feelings for Essek. They had spent so long waiting for this moment. Caleb saw no reason to hide anything now. He laid his hand on the table offering it for Essek to take.

"Do you want to do any studying of what we found tonight?" he asked while the servants brought a bottle of wine and some fresh bread and butter.

It was a bit overwhelming, but in a good way. He could feel himself heavy with the look of admiration in Caleb's eyes, but it mirrored Essek's own as he placed himself in the seat offered to him by Caleb, and then they arranged each other in a way that they orbited like two stars sharing the same axis, small little touches here and there-- and Essek's hand as it reached to place itself delicately in Caleb's.

The weight firm and certainly, Essek could feel the callouses and the warmth that surrounded his hand. His feelings were unavoidable and he would not deny them, it made it easier to acknowledge them when he looked into Caleb's blue eyes-- a visage that even though Caleb would likely deny he was beautiful? Well Essek wanted to make it known to the other man that he was lovely. Perhaps one day, Caleb would allow himself to be told that.

"We are wizards-- you know how impossible it is to fight the allure of research." however he slowly linked their fingers together, creating an impossible chain. "But we have time for that, I think. There is still much I would like to know of you, Caleb Widogast. I've tucked away so many pieces of you for my own personal knowledge but I want to learn more."

Essek wanted to study, but he wanted to study this man before him.

"You can ask me anything but I can't promise the answers will be pleasant." Caleb was a little scared, actually, to open up on such a level. Essek knew many details that painted him in a bad light but this would be the most he had talked about it with... anyone.

He brushed his thumb nervously across Essek's hand. It was tempting to ask him questions and push things away from himself but Caleb was not going to hide from the man he loved. He wasn't going to hide anymore from anyone. He couldn't truly be with someone if he was pretending all the time.

Things were safe here. That was what Caleb had to remind himself of and Essek already loved him with what he knew. Would more details of his past change that? Probably not. Hopefully not.

There was a frission of anxiety that he felt keenly, and it was not just in the answer of Caleb being pragmatic about the fact not all questions could be answered with a positive spin to it. His fingers softly met that touch, and he determined that Caleb was still one who had to be handled delicately.. and lovingly.

That was not something that Essek would forego at all within the getting-to-know process. "I think that for tonight, I would enjoy getting to know you-- your likes and dislikes, your favorite songs and your most beloved books.. those little things that build you up rather than take you down."

Those eyes meet Caleb's, warm despite the cool tones of them, and it was all in the subtle furrow of his brow as well as the subtle quirk of those lips that Caleb had kissed earlier. "Frumpkin, for example? How did you come across that name for a cat, Chathiu?"

And because he wanted to leave it open, he added on to that, "You may ask me anything you wish as well, I would like to share myself with you-- I am normally just as guarded but I trust you, even if you ask me something ridiculous."

Edited 2023-03-22 21:35 (UTC)

Frumpkin was easy enough to talk about. Caleb smiled fondly thinking of the cat and the familiar. "He was named after a cat I had as a child and looked very similar to him. I, uh, don't remember exactly how I came up with the name now but he was a dear friend to me."

That was a good memory, one that brought back sunny afternoons with his first magic books and the soft sound of Frumpkin purring next to him. Memories he would like to make new again with a real cat and a quiet home of his own. Not just a magical tower. A real home where he and Essek could live and research from.

"I would like to get a new cat some day," he said brushing his fingers over Essek's palm. "But perhaps not one named something so childish. Percival could be a good cat name."

He studied Essek for a moment, head tilted slightly. "Would you teach me Undercommon some day? I would like to speak with you in your native tongue."

"It rather sounds like Pumpkin to be honest, and Frumpkin is a stunning orange colour." Essek said with a smile though he leaned in close. There was a votive candle on the table and it cast a soft ambient light between the two of them, a warmth that Essek knew that Caleb strove to bring to all of his friends; he'd seen it within interactions with the Nein, and then with himself. He also knew that Caleb loved apple turnovers, he remembered how he'd heard Caleb explain it to the group in general and he had reached out to capture that little bit of knowledge.

And hold it close to him, another revealed morsel for him to nurse with regards to the trove of secrets he'd collected.

"Percival would be a excellent name, though I cannot imagine you without a cat-- I think that should be your first order of business, is to get yourself a cat." it was the luxuries however small that they may seem.

"Ah, Chathiu.." Essek smiled at the request to learn Undercommon. "I would be more than happy to teach you Undercommon, if you will teach me some Zemnian. You know, Chathiu? It means Firefly-- I hope that it is alright, if I call you that? I think it is because in the darkness, you still manage to glow-- which is why my mind so readily assigned that name to you."

"I think a home might need to come first," he said with a soft chuckle, ducking his head forward. A few bangs fell in front of his face and he looked at Essek between them. "You have called me home but I think I would like to find a proper building for us. I admit, I don't know where. I haven't thought too hard. I've been busy thinking of seeing you again."

It was hard to focus on work or anything else because he wanted to see Essek again so badly. How strange that someone he had only known for a short time had become so important to him. Caleb wanted that future to include Essek however the drow liked, however he wanted.

The nickname, firefly, made him blush a little. It was so sweet and tender. "I don't mind. I don't mind at all. You are... my starlight. If that is alright with you."

Because well, it felt fitting. The paleness of Essek's hair, the brightness of his eyes, and the gentle twilight of his skin. He was starlight for meditating at night and existing more under the stars than the sun. He was starlight in contrast to Caleb's own burning bright sun.

It was a sun that Essek could stare into.

His drow sensitivities could be glaring at time. The Nein had noticed it and done such small kindnesses to help alleviate that, Jester with the parasol and then there was Cadeucus with the sun hat graciously lended so that Essek could try his hand at gardening. He found though that the best sunlight was that which came from Caleb, it was like being within the sun itself without suffering it's consequences.

"I will gladly be your starlight." Essek said with a soft laugh, finding it hard to do anything but smile when in Caleb's presence. He felt like he'd smiled more in the past several hours than he had in his entire life. "In Undercommon, that is Slyan'ssun." the words were a series of hisses, but then a great deal of Undercommon was. As a cat walked across the table to bring them something to drink, he pointed with his free hand, "Murrpau..." which fittingly enough, sounded like a purr.

And because he could not help it, he picked up Caleb's hand and then pressed a soft kiss against the knuckles.

Edited 2023-03-22 23:59 (UTC)

"Slyan'ssun," Caleb repeated slowly though he was rather terrible at the Undercommon accent. His Zemnian accent always seemed to overrule everything. He hadn't gotten any better at any accent in all the time he traveled with the Nein. He blushed right to the tip of his ears. He hoped Essek didn't think he was making fun of him.

Caleb was genuinely trying his best with the word. It sounded so much better when Essek said it, almost musical in the way he hissed the words. Caleb sounded more like he was a snake attempting speech.

"I will keep practicing," he promised as he reached out and stroked Essek's cheek with his fingertips. "I won't sound like I've got mud in my mouth for much longer."

He could usually do anything he put his mind to. Caleb was determined to learn Undercommon and speak it well without the help of magic. If for no other reason than he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Essek any further.

"That was not a bad pronounciation; and I think that I still understand your meaning." the flush that Caleb Widogast evidenced as he spoke it was endearing and he found himself lightly nuzzling his face against the palm of Caleb's hand, much like a cat would. "I also think that I will probably endure the same problems when I attempt Zemnian." a wry smile and then he looks earnestly into Caleb's eyes. "In the past, I've always wanted to be perfect at some things however upon meeting you and the Nein.."

He reached for the mug of apple cider and he brought it to his own lips, to take a sip-- before he continued that thought, "You and the Nein have taught me that it is alright not to be perfect all the time, that sometimes you have to start from the ground up."

And then to clarify, "I am a still a perfectionist though.. so I'll likely always try."

"All I ask is that you try." The heat in Caleb's cheeks started to lessen. Good. He hadn't hopelessly offended Essek. He will get better at the language, he's certain, with time and practice.

In fact, the practice part of this sounded rather nice. Nights they weren't researching they could sit around a warm fire and learn language from each other, trading little parts of themselves and their homes with each other. As they made a new one with each other.

"I would love to invent magic with you," he said, leaning forward slightly with eagerness. "I fell in love with you studying and researching the arcane together. To make a spell together would be... well... we know it would be wonderful."

Magic had brought them together and it would always be their greatest passion outside of each other. Caleb wanted to make something with Essek, something solely theirs. It did not have to change the fundamentals of magical theory. It could be as silly as Jester using Thaumaturgy but it would be theirs and thus special to him.

The idea of inventing magic with Caleb absolutely thrilled Essek, it was because Essek had felt the same way-- when they had created that spell together to bring Veth back to her previous form, a combination of dunamancy and transfiguration; it had exhilrated him and he leans forward as well, so that the two of them are now in essence leaning in close to each other. This managed to set off a chain reaction, especially when he heard Caleb's admittance as to when it had started on his end.

"I..."

A flush colours Essek's cheek that only amounts to a plum a shade darker than his lavender skin, though even though he flushes-- he still finds himself a bit bolder, because now he knows what he wants, and that is for Caleb to understand his own level of attraction. "You know, I think the moment I felt myself pulled toward you was when you told me you were 'always prepared' and showed me your spellbooks." a wry smile, "And even more so when we were working magic lessons together. Though I know that now? We will approach the table as equals and that is rather exciting."

They had made a wonder together and the experience had been thrilling and terrifying. Not because Veth was counting on him but because it was through that work that he realized the depths of his feelings for Essek. At the time there was no hope of ever exploring those feelings.

"I care deeply for the Mighty Nein and always will," he said with a fond smile, touched by the blush in Essek's cheeks. "But they never understood my love of research and knowledge. I think they found it annoying most of the time. With you I felt... I feel understood. It's something we can find joy in together."

And they work well together. What they did before proves it. It wasn't always the smoothest road. Sometimes they did argue but they were arguments of theory and testing and practicality. Caleb was, perhaps, more willing to take risks than was necessary.

The servants interrupted their moment with dinner, a fragrant mushroom soup and fresh baked bread along with a tray of vegetables and bites of smoked meat. This conversation would have to wait a bit for supper.

It always delighted Essek to see the cats; he'd only been in the Tower a handful of times but Caleb's signature as always clung to it, from the cats to the fact that his demiplane was always warm and inviting. And Essek had not really understood how hungry he had been until the food had been brought out and his stomach let out an almost indelicate growl that had him ducking his head.

Soup-- the inclusion of soup had him glancing up at Caleb for a brief moment; searchingly. And fondness as he realized that Caleb had taken what he'd stated at the Hero's feast to heart; that Essek loved simple soups. And the mushroom was something of the likes that one could get back in Rosohna, it was savor and paired well with the bread that melted like butter in his mouth.

In acknowledgement, Essek lightly nudged Caleb's booted foot with his own; sharing a smile over soup and candlelight, a secret glowing smile that he hoped suitably conveyed his happiness to be here in this moment with his wizard. "One day, I should like to taste some of the food of your own homeland, and in turn perhaps I could prepare some of mine own to share with you?"

Of course Caleb had absorbed and remembered every little detail about Essek and what he liked. Even if he didn't speak them out loud Caleb had paid close attention. He wanted to make him feel at home in the Tower especially when it was just the two of them. This was their home on the road. It should be a home for both of them and not just Caleb's preference.

"My mother used to make a baked apple pancake for special occasions. Holidays." It was rare to speak of his parents but Caleb wanted to share the happy memories with Essek, not just the tragedy of what happened to them. "It's very popular back home. Would you... we could go to the Zemni Fields, if you wanted."

Essek could see the simple places Caleb came from though he was not sure how it would feel to be back after so long.

Essek found that he would enjoy that very much, being able to see where Caleb came from but also he knew that this was a step for Caleb, talking about his past and his family as well as plans for Essek to visit the place where Caleb had grown up. Perhaps he could not walk into Rexxentrum readily, not yet. But he thought that a trip to Blumenthal would probably not go amiss if he was disguised.

"I would like that, to taste apple pancakes and visit the places you have found memories of, and in return I can tell you about my brother Verin and all the things that we did to bedevil each other." a soft chuckle as he picked up the glass filled with cider and took a sip. "Unfortunately, my childhood was not much of one and there are no real places in the Dynasty that I am overly fond of."

He had been born old, sometimes he thought.

"I would like to go to travel with you too.. I mean I know that my life will be full of travel, perhaps we could go to Emon or Marquet and see those places?"

"It feels... presumptive to ask but would you like to travel together for a time?" Caleb reached across the table and lightly brushed his fingers over Essek's knuckles. "Not just here but after as well. I would like to stay with you for as long as possible. We could take our time traveling to Blumenthal and see what is between there and here."

A bit nervously he dragged his lower lip between his teeth and glanced away for a moment. Caleb wanted, very badly, to spend days... months... years with Essek if possible. Their lifespans would diverge at some point but until then he would very much like to be at Essek's side.

Perhaps he wanted too much. There was that quiet uncertainty in the back of his mind. Caleb knew there were so many complications between them that it may not be possible for them to truly have a life together. He still wanted whatever time they could steal. Whatever time they could make theirs.

There was something nervous about the Wizard and Essek could sense it in the subtle little ways that the Wizard seemed to be caught in his thoughts and his feelings, likely wondering if he was asking too much. He remembered in the Grove where Caleb had been beset and he had acted as a buffer of sorts, a calming influence to help Caleb come back to center.

Essek had finished his soup and while there was other food on the table, he decided that perhaps he should take a gentle step in acknowledgement. And thus, still holding Caleb's hand, he stood up and then moved to stand at Caleb's side and then he lightly placed himself right in Caleb's lap.

With his free hand, he tucked a fingertip underneath Caleb's chin and tilted it upward so that he could look into those eyes. He did not displace gravity this time, so the weight on Caleb's lap was solid but not overbearing; a parcel of his drow lightness. "We have nothing but time, Chathiu.. Firefly-- we may travel, if that is what you wish, but in those moments when our paths have to diverge; I meant it when I said that I wanted you to be home for me."

And then he leaned down to press a kiss against the the bridge of that fine zemnian nose as he wrapped his arm around a shoulder and then pressed their foreheads together.

Dinner stopped existing the moment Essek settled into his lap. Caleb's hands went to his waist. He gazed up at him in open wonder for the drow. There's so much to admire from his handsome face to his intense gaze. The sweetness of his words burn through Caleb and make his heart race.

He made a soft, somewhat pained sound because Essek didn't kiss him. Caleb did it for himself. He pressed his lips firmly against Essek's and slid one hand up into his hair to hold him closer until he feels satisfied with the kiss. Which might be never given how one kiss simply leads to another and another and another.

Caleb had to stop to catch his breath. He tucked his face against Essek's neck and tried to get his emotions and desires back under control.

"Apologies for being so forward I struggle to control my desire for you," he admitted somewhat sheepishly. Essek didn't have the same level of experience that Caleb did. He had to remember that. He didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable.

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